copywriter Josh Dare

DJ (Don't Joke)Interviews with DJs are usually just the interviewer going through the motions of an actual, proper, interesting interview. I suppose it’s a testament to their professions that they don’t have anything original to offer and just regurgitate bland dialogue in the guise of party-talk. You ask all the right questions; the ones they want to hear like, ‘What’s the most satisfying thing about your job?’, and the answer usually some lame variant of ‘Seeing so many people peaking to my music at the same time’. You let ‘em wax lyrical about ‘choonz’, sometimes you’ll get a sound bite or snippet of something original, but mostly it’s just bullshit.So when the job of interviewing the world’s number one DJ arose, I had to wonder whether the ranking included press savvies. With Paul van Dyk’s German office phone number in hand (along with my allocated timeframe, 8:45pm-9pm), I made the call. He greeted me in a very German matter-of-fact tone. Exactly the opposite to what I was going for with my questions.For example, my opener: I note that, according to his bio, he’s worked with all the internationally famous DJs like BT, Sasha and Dave Seamen, so there must be some sort of out DJ mother’s club equivalent going on. In a sigh that kind of suggested he was sick of me already, he replied, “Well, we’re good friends really. We respect each other, we love each other’s music and we work well together. For me, Sasha is one of the most talented DJs and he has amazing musical skills, and someone like Brian [BT] is one of the best engineers I know. We’re friends, and we love each other – that’s actually it!”Uh oh – better chuck a ‘right’ question in. After being voted number 1 DJ in the world so many times, it must be hard to not let it go to your head? “No, not at all – because this is not the reason you do it. I’m very passionate about electronic music and everything I do. It’s not about a list or something. It’s something more than feeling ‘hey, I’m the biggest show on earth’.”Back to my original questions – the biggest show on earth must surely have so many groupies by now, I suggest. If he weren’t on hands free, I’m sure he would’ve dropped the phone before he flustered, “I see a few familiar faces in different places. I wouldn’t say I have anything to do with traditional groupies because they know I’m married and off that market.” – emphasising the word married, like a knife flung at me down the phone line. “I have some real loyal fans that travel to a lot of different places. There’s two guys, I believe they’re from Egypt, and I’ve seen them virtually all over the world – except for Australia!”Which opens the door to discussions of Australia. He lets me know he’s always had absolute amazing experiences here, as we actually enjoy electronic music and educated about what’s really going on because so many DJs tour here. It’s a good yarn, except I bugger that up too by trying to invoke a bit of the old Australian rivalry by asking if he’s noticed any differences in clubbing styles in the capital cities. He clearly sees straight through my ploy and explains, “I have to say when I’m in Australia I have quite a hectic schedule so I’m not getting too much of local politics.”I then ask about the fall of the super club, which in German apparently translates to ‘give me a lecture on what electronic music is to you’. “Well the thing is, I don’t label the music; for me it’s all electronic music and there’s different elements and genres of that that actually fit different sizes of venues. This is how it’s always been, and I’m pretty sure it’s how it always will be. In terms of what I play, I try to combine the best elements I like the most of electronic music to create a unique sound. You may listen to something that people call trance, you may listen to something that people call house or drum and bass or techno, and when all these elements combine it’s very intense and very energetic.”At this point, I decided it’s not altogether unreasonable to ask what we can expect from his upcoming tour. But he decides that he already answered that. “Well aside from the kind of sound I just explained, right now I’m in the studio working on new material for an artist album so I’ll have five or six tracks ready that I’m going to include in the set – so you’re going to be the first ones to get those.”The ever-present clock staring down at me, I ask my final, timely question: what would he be doing if he wasn’t DJing? He explains that he doesn’t just DJ; he runs a record label and has a music publishing company as well. Not only that, there’s an online radio station and download shop at “dub dub dub vonyc dot com, that’s V-O-N-Y-C”, so by all accords, he’s a busy little sauerkraut. “So there’s still so much to do, I hope I will be able to work with music until I retire at some point – and that doesn’t need to be in front of people, because to be honest, I’m rather shy person. I don’t like to be so much in the spotlight. When I started DJing, the DJ was the freak in the corner. Then suddenly it all changed; suddenly there was light in the corner and then the DJ wasn’t in the corner any more. I promise you, I will not miss the public appearances.”Time’s up, the tape recorder flicks off, and I try to have one last joke with him – does the reference to ‘public appearances’ include interviews? He doesn’t get my little stab at myself, and goes on to say that interviews are great way to get his message across, spreading his word about charity and goodwill.I just hope he kept that in mind for his next interview.

Mel C(ancelled)Today, I met Mel C (Chisolm, ex-Spice Girl). Wanna read my tell-all interview with her? Well, ya can’t – she cancelled. Being the Sportiest Spice in the world apparently won’t help you from ‘running’ late.So this article is based upon her live performance at HMV Prahran Central, the press junket, my fleeting 10-second meeting with her, and her interview on Rove Live that I just watched. Incidentally, I tried in vain to get Mel C’s publicity chick to bump Rove Live in favour of chatting with us, but unfortunately for Mel her publicist lacks vision. What’s Rove got that we don’t, huh? (Besides the national coverage, reputation and limitless charm?)He certainly sucks up to his celebrity guests more than I do, that’s for sure. In between praising her career and pandering her ego, about the best response he elicted from her was “I’m not a lezzer”. Not that he asked, of course, she was qualifying herself after commenting how comfortable she was being sexual in her latest film clip because it of the female director. So there ya have it, girls – Not A Lezzer.Which is altogether too bad, because based on the crowd at her in-store appearance, she still has quite a strong lesbian following – who don’t seem to go far without their gay male contingency. From where I was standing in the press pit (acting as a human boom for the Bent TV recording), the queers were tall and proud; in contrast with the kiddies on school holidays, who were short and shameful and thankfully not too plentiful.The crowd was patient as they awaited the arrival of Sporty Spice, and greeted her with cheers as she entered the shopping centre 20 minutes late, took the stage, and then disappeared out the back straight away. Hmph. She soon reappeared and the crowd bellowed out ego-boosters like, “We love you Mel!” and “You rock Mel!” and “We love the way you rock Mel!”. She performed stellar renditions of Next Best Superstar and Better Alone from her latest album, Beautiful Intentions, and then a slow acoustic version of I Turn To You. We managed to sneak in the questions during the press junket, so here’s what she had to say.(So) Beautiful Intentions is a lot rockier than the last album?
I really thought about what I wanted to achieve with this album, and with the first two (albums) I was able to do a lot of touring and a lot of live work, and I realised that it was the live work that I enjoyed the most, and it was what the audiences were reacting to the best. So I thought it was time to rock out.You’ve written most of the songs on this album, is that right?
I’ve always co-written every album I’ve made, and with this album I co-wrote 11 out of the 12 tracks.After 33 million albums sold, is there more or less pressure to come up with successful new stuff?
It’s much more relaxed. I feel I have had a wonderful career. Obviously with the Spice Girls, it was tremendously successful, and as a solo artist too I’ve been blessed, you know, I’m so lucky. I feel that I’m just having a good time, and it’s helping me to make the best music of my career, I really do.So unlike your time with the Spice Girls, are you now finally producing what you’ve wanted to produce?
I was very different then, I was a lot younger, It was very much something we did together. That was the music that we did as a band, well, as a group. I’ve just been feeling more like on my own, I’ve been playing and experimenting, and I feel that I’ve finally got there.You’ve got a new album out, and two new singles from that album just released. So what’s next for you?
Well, there’s actually a track which isn’t on this album… In Germany, I’ve been asked to sing the theme to a new TV show; a song called The First Day Of My Life. So that’s the next release in Germany, Austria and Switzerland, but I’m not sure of whether you guys in Oz are going to get it or not… but by the sounds of it, you want it, so just wait and see.Your work crosses over many demographics and genres, in terms of style and sound. How do you find that transition from dance to ballad to rock?
I’ve always thought that if a song’s a good song, it can be lent to any genre. A song like I Turn To You, which was a huge hit dance remix by Hex Hector, originally started its life as a ballad. I’ve got some great remixes for the new singles that are currently out, and I know that they have the same quality and potential.Melanie C’s Beautiful Intentions is out now

Male prostitution: the other sideYou can learn everything you need to know about gay male prostitution from movies, Mysterious Skin tells us that guys only become prostitutes because they’ve been sexually abused. They’ll probably be messed up on drugs Basketball Diaries-style, possibly homeless a la My Private Idaho, or maybe even a fading but well-endowed porn star aka Boogie Nights. And around Oscars time, they’ll probably be all four at once.Sure, these guys can deliver emotional monologues on the state of humanity, and the over-wrought look of emotional trauma as a they turn another trick might send a chill down your spine, but keep in mind, this is the same industry that asks us to believe that every time a bell rings, an angel gets it’s wings. So it begs the question: is male prostitution really as desperate as Hollywood likes us to think it is?“Although there are some people in the sex industry who turn to drugs, it’s only a minority,” claims Chad, a Sydney-based escort. “And there’s plenty of other people in the world who turn to drugs to deal with psychological issues, not just sex workers. It’s just another way people try to stigmatise the industry.”Frustrated by misconceptions in his line of work, Chad approached Sydney gay magazine SX and now writes a regular Sex in the City-style column that explores issues relating to the sex industry, breaking down the subject’s taboo while including safe sex information and answering commonly asked questions about escorting, the most common being why?Jacob, a 24 year-old former sex worker from Melbourne, started pretty unceremoniously. “I was curious where the male prostitutes were on the streets, so went ‘round there – which led to me getting a job that night. A guy came up to my car and said, ‘Come back to my house, I’ll pay for you’ and I was like ‘yup – sweet!’.”Jacob’s choice may sound like a passing fancy than a decision, but he’s adamant that for all prostitutes the decision is, “One hundred percent yours – there’s so many other different alleys you could go down instead of prostitution.”That bravado remains unchallenged by a lot of male sex workers, but it could be simple lip-service. Those aiming to truly enter the industry are more attracted to the anonymity of the brothel.“We do ask what reasons they have for being an escort, which is usually money,” says Ivan, manager of Melbourne’s largest gay brothel. “But a lot of them really are just doing it for the experience so they can check it off their list of things they’ve done. It’s also ideal for students, as if they don’t get a client for three or four hours, that’s three or fours hours of study instead of flipping burgers at McDonald’s.”He then pauses for a moment as if listening to a silent question, and blurts, “But we don’t hire Asians. Anyone who wants an Asian can just go to Star Hotel and pick one up. So we don’t hire them.”Another party caring for the welfare of Melbourne’s sex workers is RhED, an outreach program based in St Kilda which operates from a harm minimisation approach, providing practical and realistic health information and support (including tips for novices, such as, “Save your money - you too will get ill, burn out, get old or get fired one day”).As an affirming final thought, RhED comforts freshman that, “the only thing wrong with sex work is society’s negative, hypocritical attitude towards it. You deserve as much support for your career choice as Mother Theresa does for hers.”Societies attitude is fairly well ingrained, as Chad soon discovered after starting his column. “I talked about the positives of sex work, like the opportunity to travel around the world, and one guy wrote in and said that my column was helping to glamourise ‘prostitution’, as he called it – a word I don’t like.”A rose would still be rose by any other name, and the term prostitution would seemingly be applicable for escorts and sex workers. But as Chad explains, “We’re not selling ourselves in desperation, we’re providing a service. It takes a lot of energy to be someone’s escort or someone’s companion, rather than ‘prostituting’ – which can mean giving up yourself in a purely sexual way.”A technical disclaimer, perhaps, but indicative of the sex industries efforts to sway public opinion. The spin doctors have been bought in to clean up the image (if not the industry), but in the court of public opinion, they’re still fighting an uphill battle. It’s been said that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, and fighting centuries of prejudices won’t be won over by a fresh coat of paint and some decent PR.In 1949, the profession got a pretty decent bitch-slap from the United Nations. Admittedly a toothless tiger, the United Nations adopted a convention stating that prostitution is incompatible with human dignity. It took them a while. Prostitution has been traced as far back as Babylon. A large brothel found in Pompeii attests to the widespread use of prostitutes in Rome around the turn of the century, and it’s documented that during the Middle Ages, while all forms of sexual activity outside of marriage were regarded as sinful by the Catholic Church, prostitution was tolerated because it was thought to prevent the greater evils of rape and sodomy.So just as prostitutes of both sexes became a staple fixture of the modern landscape, male prostitutes only recently became a regular character in literature and movies As late as the 60s, the gay hooker has been mostly stereotyped as a sexy but tragic figure. Troy Gurr, a seven-year veteran of the video industry member and now editor of gay newspaper MCV says, “It’s a slight against the gay community. Gay hookers wind up in films like My Own Private Idaho. Straight-male hookers are American Gigilos. It’s another form of gay-bashing. Killing us with sex and drugs.”“If you’re a prostitute, you’re looked at as the lowest class level in society,” says Jacob. “A gay prostitute is even lower. It’s almost like it’s expected of us. Like people are gonna say ‘well, I guess that was only a matter of time’.”There are no definitive figures, but a recent report in The Sunday Age cited that about 80% of brothel and agency workers were women, 10% were transsexuals and 10% men – so it’s no surprise that when most people think of a prostitute, they automatically assume the feminine gender. As such, there is very little research or understanding of the male sex-worker.Chad confirms this with a perplexed smile.“Male sex workers don’t easily fit into the equation, and no one has known what to do with us beyond the recognition that we exist.”

Dream on!JOSH DARE’s top 15 tips to a good night’s sleep.1. Listen to relaxation CDs
Some people find that relaxation CDs can help them get to sleep at night. The CDs are usually a loop of nature sounds, like the ocean or dolphin calls. Beats listening to your snotty boyfriend, at least.2. Avoid snacks before bed
Particularly sugars, as they will raise blood sugar levels and inhibit sleep. Or if you do manage to sleep, you might wake up in a couple of hours with low blood sugar levels, craving more. And if you snacked properly, there shouldn’t be any left.3. Sleep in complete darkness
Just like battery chickens, our sleep cycles are controlled by light – so if there’s any light in the room, it could disrupt them. Even try to avoid turning on the light to go to the toilet. Toilet Duck should totally make a glow in the dark bowl thing to help with aim.4. No TV in bed
Not only is it over stimulating in an area where you should be concentrating on sleeping, but the light source can also affect your cycles. Plus, Big Brother Up Late isn’t even on anymore.5. Wear socks to bed
Being the most extreme extremities, feet get cold first; and could cause you to wake up. Studies have shown wearing socks helps reduce waking up. And you know, gay men just can’t get enough sock. It is sock, right?6. Go to bed as early as possible
Our internal systems do a majority of their nighttime work between 11pm and 1am. Just like any respectable prostitute.7. Watch the temperature
Keep the temperature in the bedroom no higher than 21 degrees C. Many people keep their homes – and particularly the upstairs bedrooms – too hot. It’s almost as if they were substituting for a lack of heat in other departments.8. Avoid caffeine
It’s a bit of a no-brainer, but some people cannot metabolise caffeine efficiently and therefore feel the stimulant’s effects long after consumption – even so far as an afternoon cuppa disturbing that night’s sleep.9. Don’t change your bedtime
You should go to bed and wake up at the same times each day, even on the weekends, to help your body get into a routine and make it easier to fall asleep and get up in the morning. But it does make it easier for stalkers too, unfortunately.10. Exercise
Regular exercise – at least 30 minutes a day – will help you get to sleep. The best time to exercise is in the morning, but any time bar before bed is good (as it could keep you stimulated and awake). Now you have to ask: does sex count as exercise?11. Keep your bed for sleeping
If you’re used to watching TV or doing work in bed, you’ll find it harder to relax and to think of the bed as a place to sleep. Plus, if you’re watching something as high caliber as The Wedge, you might crap yourself laughing.12. Take a bath before bed
Baths are great for not only helping you relax; but after you raise your body temperature, it, of course, has to come down again – which helps facilitate sleep. And we’ve been trying to find a polite way to tell you to wash anyway.13. Avoid alcohol
Even though alcohol can help by making you drowsy, it’s short lived – so you’ll find you may wake up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep. But then again, you could always keep drinking…13. Avoid fluids
In addition to alcohol, avoid any great quantity of fluids within two hours of going to bed, which may cause you to wake up busting for the bathroom. Or not even wake up but still badly need the bathroom, which is a bit worse.14. Minimise electronics
Never let TVs, DVD players, computers, or other electronic devices operate while you sleep – not only may the whirring of the fans bother you, but electro-magnetic fields have been known to disturb sleep. And you’re not exactly using them in the land of nod, hey?15. Lose weight
Being overweight can increase the risk of sleep apnea (pauses in breath during sleep), which prevents a restful nights sleep. And don’t forget, not being overweight means you can fit more people in the bed, wink wink.

Tea versus coffee
JOSH DARE (under pseudonym Georgina White) weighs in on the daily war that’s being waged by the kettle.It’s a tense battle here today in the trenches of the kitchen come morning tea time. The opponents are fired up to boiling point and have long history of feuding. Welcome to the ultimate grudge match: tea versus coffee.Standing in the black corner (by the toaster), over 12 centuries old is Coffee. With origins stretching all the way to Ethiopia and Europe, this contender is the Beverage Beast from The Middle East. And in the kind of orangey-brown corner, still standing after 5,000 years is Tea. The love puppy of Chinese medicine, this challenger has been dubbed The Continental Oriental.Never before has this arena seen such bloodlust. The coffee fans are taunting, “Pussies!” at the tea drinkers. The tea fans are screaming back, “Tweekers!”. But it an equal battle?Coffee’s health benefits have been debated and it stands on shaky ground. There’s no doubt to its popularity – according to a 2001 survey, Australians drank more cappuccinos than hot tea, milk or fruit drinks. How many, you ask? Roughly 434 million cappuccinos in 2000 alone, according to Lavazza Coffee. But personal taste aside, the long term benefit of drinking coffee is open to debate, despite several studies focusing on the relationship between coffee consumption and many medical conditions, ranging from diabetes to cardiovascular disease to cancer. However, one fairly consistent finding has been the reduction of type 2 diabetes in coffee consumers. Which could be good news, if you’re anti-type 2 diabetes and like a good cuppa joe.Tea, on the other hand, is often perceived as coffee’s less popular little brother. It shouldn’t be the case though: research has shown that drinking tea can provide many benefits. In recent years, research has suggested that tea is high in antioxidants which fight cancer and disease. While this has not been medically confirmed, most nutritionists suspect that drinking tea daily reduces your risk of at least some forms of cancer. In one study, tea drinkers in the United States had half the risk of prostate cancer. Also, the typical level of caffeine in a cup of tea is about half that of coffee. (According to Tetley, the average caffeine content of one cup of brewed tea is about 40mg, whilst the same amount of drip coffee contains about 85mg.) Recent studies in the UK also show that drinking rehydrates just as effectively as drinking water does.But, at the end of the day, there’s one important thing besides health that’ll dictate what you drink: taste. The choice between coffee and tea willo all come down to personal preference. So just get out there and wear your hot beverage with pride.Box out
Instant weight loss in your coffee?
A radical new functional drink has hit the Australian market – instant Arabica coffee with the natural content of caffeine plus dietary supplements to assist weight loss during, after and between meals. “One relatively easy way of slimming is to replace regular coffee with an instant coffee which also provides weight management ingredients,” says Sydney pharmacist Mina Attia. “Something you’d probably drink every day without thinking about it becomes a help for your weight, health and wellbeing.” A market leader has emerged: Myadec Slimming Coffee is quality Arabic instant coffee, meaning you get a great tasting cup of coffee and three weight loss ingredients added to greatly assist weight loss. It’s only available at pharmacists, so get on down to your local chemist and start losing weight every time you drink a cup of coffee.

Kissin' Cousins
JOSH DARE meets pop's lady-in-waiting, Tina CousinsHow’s this for a success story: a no-show performer at a fashion show led the organiser to panic and ask if any of the models could sing. And the only one confident enough to step forward – Tina Cousins, who would soon be signed up to Pete Waterman’s label and collaborate with Sash! on worldwide hits ‘Pray’ and ‘Mysterious Times’. We caught up with Tina on the eve of her latest release, ‘Wonderful Life’.You were born, raised and still live in Britain – but your career seems to be mainly focused on Australia. Not that we’re complaining! But how did that come about?
The success that I’ve had in Australia has surpassed anywhere else that I’ve been to, and because I’ve had such a long break this time, the support [here] is still very strong so I just thought it was a good place to go back to. Fingers crossed, people would still remember me! (Laughs)What does being a ‘diva’ mean to you? Do you identify with the title?
The first few times that people had said that I was a diva, I was kind of taken aback because I always think of a diva as some giant black woman belting a track out! I take it as a compliment and I suppose I’m quite a ballsy person anyway – I don’t think I would have lasted as long as I have if I hadn’t been. So when people call me a diva, I don’t take it as a ‘complete bitch’, I take it as I’m a strong woman.Most singers tend to mime when performing live nowadays – what are your thoughts on that?
Disgusting. Bah! Unbelievably annoying. I never, ever mime. There’s no way in a million years I would ever mime – I think it’s a con. If people are paying good money to come see you in a concert, it’s really taking the mickey to stand up there and to mime to something. And not only that, surely the whole idea of it is that you can sing!What was working with Sash! like? Any chance of you two collaborating again?
When we first worked together on Mysterious Times, we worked together really well and we got on really well. But when it came to the second track, I don’t know whether the fame thing had gone to his head, but he was really arse-y - he wasn’t the same person I’d worked with before. He was quite nasty to me. When we did the first track and it was such a success – and I worked my butt off for that track, every day for four months - he said because of what I’d given him with the first one, he’d promised me that we’d do a second one – so at least he kept his word.Your new single, ‘Wonderful Life’ is a hark back to the 80s sound – does this era of music hold some good memories for you?
Yeah, it does. That was the time that I was a teenager. The eighties were a wonderful time because everything was so different, the style and everything from the clothes, the makeup and everything that people wore was so in-your-face. I’m really pleased with the reaction [Wonderful Life] is getting – I’m over the moon. There’s whispery, whispery bits that I’m going to be coming and doing a tour in July, so fingers crossed...!‘Wonderful Life’, the first single from the forthcoming album ‘Mastermind’, is in store Monday