The list… gay cartoon characters

JOSH DARE finds the campest queens in cartoonland.

1. Everybody on the Simpsons

First it was Smithers, his unrequited love for Mr Burns and his Malibu Stacy collection; then it was maybe Bart is gay so let’s take him to an (oops!) all-gay steelmill; which begat making the Sea Captain repeatedly suggest he goes gay rather than lonely; and now - Patty is gay, coming out and wants to get married. Sigh. At some point, the Simpsons’ writers chose the ‘high road’ of sexual ambiguity and drug references over actually being funny.

2. Mr Garrison

Personally, I liked him better when he was in denial – like when he poetically narrated a “hot lezbo scene” of his romance novel with “it felt good… like a penis”. So good, in fact, “she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises.” But, he came out (yawn), got in a sadomasochist relationship (double yawn) which fell apart after he had a sex change. Nevertheless, a role model to us all (especially you bald transgender types).

3. Ren and Stimpy

They alluded to it in the past, but they’ve since come out as a gay couple all guns a’flaming in 2003’s “Ren and Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon” show – presenting the boys exactly as the creator originally intended. They live together (even share a bed) and Stimpy can’t stop flashing his arse at Ren. Still have a little doubt? Stimpy is pregnant with Ren’s baby. Stick that in your denial pipe and smoke it.

4. Spongebob Squarepants

Spongebob caused quite the ruckus in the US, where he was accused of promoting homosexuality because not only does he sporadically hold hands with his friend Patrick which “makes the cartoon a popular choice among homosexual men”, but he also appeared in a video singing to the track ‘We Are Family’ – in an effort to each tolerance and diversity to school kids. Tsk tsk, the shame. And with a sensationalist response to such an innocent tape, it’s clear there’s absolutely no need for tolerance and diversity education in the states.

5. Velma (Scooby Doo)

The giveaway is the butch hair cut that’s always sat right next to ultra-femme Daphne in the Mystery Machine. Besides that, she faux intellectual gla