The list… celeb outings

Ohmigod, I so totally heard that JOSH DARE is like totally gay. True.

Neil Patrick Harris
When we were all growing up watching Doogie Howser MD, little did we realise that the little wunderkind doctor would grow up to be a rimmer just like us. After speculation on canada.com – which, let’s be honest, is about the lamest website to be outed by (right behind perezhilton.com) – he released a statement saying that yes, he is a proud gay man. Y-A-W-N.

Danny Pintauro
Crystal meth and naked pics online – now we’re talking. Two-bit actor Danny Pintauro – who you may remember as Jonathon Bower from Who’s The Boss, but probably not – was recently discovered to have naked pics and a cheesy profile on Manhunt, which said he is, “sexy, passionate, fun, verbal, obedient (and) open to anything.” And that includes more screen work, presumably. Doubt he’s worked in years.

Darren Hayes
Surpassing months of potential trash tabloid marriage speculation, Darren Hayes came out after he tied the knot in the UK last year. Which is a pity, because writers like myself would have loved inventing rumours that his beau is cheating on him or using the word ‘shame’ in a headline somehow. Being well-adjusted and aware of self is just so not interesting.

TR Knight
TR Knight, “star” of Grey’s Anatomy was pushed out of the closet after reports of homophobic outbursts on the show’s set made tabloids question exactly who the target was. Turns out, he was not only the target of discrimination, but it seems a shovel to the face as well – honestly, what’s up with his head? Where’s his neck? Does the T in TR stand for ‘Thick’? It’s not all bad new though – at least now round my house we get giggles from calling it Gay’s Anatomy. We’re pretty stoned most the time though.

Lance Bass
He could’ve been the first boy band member in space, but that fell through and now he’s the first ‘out’ American boy band member. Admittedly, it’s not a hotly contested position. The only redeeming thing about him coming out is that we can now all fantasise about fellow N*Sync member Justin Timberlake ‘dipping his toe in to test the water’ while the band was in their awkward teenage years.

Ellen DeGeneres
Well, we had to chuck a lesbian in here some where, so how about the only funny one ever in existence? And I mean real funny, not “Ha ha she’s waving a pool cue at me” funny. Who can’t remember Ellen’s coming out on her hit sitcom? For a start, the same people who switched it off straight afterwards, leading to its axing. But she’s back on her feet and got her own talk show now – so lesbians have yet another forum for their moaning.

Stephen Gately
Like a lot of unimaginative and spotty teenagers, I called Boyzone – the ‘other’ Irish boy band – “boys only”. Then Stephen Gately came out, and it felt very prophetic. Then his single, ‘New Beginning’, came out, and then we were wishing he never did. It was loaded with more cheese than an uncircumsized cock in need of a wash.

Ian ‘H’ Watkins
The most recent of our revealed rodgerers, Ian ‘H’ Watkins from crappy 90’s outfit Steps came out of the closet before entering the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother house this year to usurp tabloids catching wind of it during the period of “intense press attention”. But in the end, racism saved the day once again – because of some discriminatory comments to a Bollywood star, he was barely mentioned in the dailies.

Hitler
The bro with the feuer may have been responsible for the prosecution of millions of gay Germans under the Nazi regime, but a 2001 book – Hitler’s Secret: The Double Life Of A Dictator – outs him as a card-carrying homosexual. With scores of historical documents backing up the book’s claim, the Freddy Mercury style moustache finally makes sense. (Still in the dark about the bowl cut, though.)

Sir Ian McKellen
To be fair, as a well known thespian Ian McKellen was pretty much half way out the closet before he made the leap, but at least he did so in a noble fashion. In the late 80s, with anti-gay sentiment growing in the UK thanks to Margaret Thatcher’s discriminatory laws, McKellen came out of the closet – on BBC Radio 4, thus guaranteeing an audience of three people heard.